fault

In all the stories of r/s whether failed or not, we've always wanted (or just subconciously done it) to attribute blame to someone or something. Like, it's not me it's him, it's just not the right time etc.
Guess that's what I'm doing now?
I have never been in an rs before la but well gone out with someone yes..
I've always been a skeptical person, trust issues would be an overstatement but I guess it's near to that. One thing I'm always scared of is someone getting tired of me... I mean I am only fun for awhile, right? Then I get tired and boring. Ok this feels like I will be putting myself down the whole time.
But okay so i went out then like I thought the person was tired of me and that I wasn't worth so much of an effort la. And i also.. didn't think it'd work out. And I attributed part of the blame to the person, partly because it made me feel better, gave me some semblance of power sigh dumbshit.
From tiny things like,
"I don't like how he tells me what to dress.." ok this one i legit don't like la but then again maybe it was an expected thing? idk different people different expectations, right?
Then I realised it seems like there wasn't alot to talk about... but now i see that it was because I didn't know what to say...
and well I guess come to think of it it was just because of me.
Idk how to feel about it bcos I was a little sad, but then now I am not but it still bothers me.
I like to look at such things in a logical manner, to be as objective as I can. I guess time does give you  that emotional detachment to be able to look at a situation that way. But I can't help but want to address it and explain it.
But all I can say is I guess we were just looking for a Someone not The Someone.
Irrational.

not sure if i will ever regret posting this and if anyone reads this... i hope you don't judge because I am really just trying to figure things out...