Drowning

Got my mid year results back.
Honestly? I tdidnt think I'd do this shitty.
Yes I didn't put my heart into it but seeing everyone around me getting better and knowing that I could have done better,
It just kills you know?

Complaining when they get a C and here I am like, HEY I GOT A U BRO.
I promise I'll study hard but I don't know how far this will take me in promos.
I can't bear to retain. Not that retaining is bad.

But I just cannot stand taking NAPHA 3 years, CTs, MYEs, EOYs for another additional year.

And another year of feeling like shit.

But well people tell me to work hard as long as you study harder then I will be able to do it. I tell people that too. As far as it is true, it can also not be true.

you have no idea how it's like when both your siblings are so smart and I'm just one below average student.
It's like every single day something's reminding you that you're the dumbest in the family.
I can even imagine myself being old and all walking to a bungalow that my siblings stay at or something and asking them for money or even a place to stay.

Relatives often praise them after hearing their results and when they ask about my results I just grit my teeth and smile.

It just sucks if you don't know if this is what you want to do, you know?
And you're just doing it not because you'll enjoy it but because someone said its a better option.

Contradictically I've laughed at my results since secondary school
But here I am whining about it.
It just hit me really hard today, and I have no idea why.

Just saw twitter. Thank you Charmaine! <3